Ok, so by now, most of you know that my husband and I are expecting our first little poop machine this December and we couldn’t be happier! What some of you don’t know, is how it happened…and no I’m not talking about bow chica wow wow how it happened, perv. (This is a super long and personal post–so get ready!)
I’ll start off by saying, I’ve wanted to be a mommy since before I can even remember. I was BORN for it. Even at 10 years old I remember thinking how much I couldn’t wait for this to happen. I knew it would be a long while, but I’d always wanted it and knew someday I’d get it. I also always wanted to be a super young mom, which is funny, considering my parents waited a while to have kids, but there was something about being young, married, barefoot and pregnant that always appealed to me. It’s definitely not for everyone! And I know how hard woman have worked to earn equality over the years, but I’ve always felt my dream job would be to stay home with the kids and be an amazing housewife–sue me. I don’t even know what made me feel this way, as I mentioned my parents waited over 10 years to have kids. They DID get married extremely early (19 & 20), but even so, my mom had always said “don’t jump into things, enjoy your life before settling down”. I never listened…I was always looking for my future husband!
Flash forward, I met my now husband Keith, and we instantly fell in love! Ironically, Keith was the first guy I was with where I told myself, “take it easy, every other guy you fell hard for, you said you’d marry and look how that ended”. So I …tried….to take it easy, though it was hard, as he was just as bad as me, wanting to hang out every second of the day! About a year into the relationship, I was still crazy about him, and knew he was my guy! (Especially after seeing how amazing he was with his young nieces and nephews!!!) We talked about marriage alllll the time, and he knew how much I wanted kids (if you knew me what-so-ever, you knew how much I wanted kids! –trust me lol) but he was always the responsible one and said “not until we get married!”
Flash forward another few years, we get married in September of 2011. And though we wanted to start trying in mid-late October for a summer baby, as there are none in the family, we decided to start even earlier–about 3 weeks after our wedding. Now I look back and laugh thinking about what my dad always says (not to this particular subject–but in general!) “People make plans, and God laughs”. –or something like that anyway… Couldn’t be more true! I think about all my plans that I’ve had for my life (I wanted to be married by 21 and kids by 22–THAT didn’t happen! lol) But then, something happened that I NEVER in a million years could’ve imagined. We weren’t getting pregnant….
I want to say by 6 months, I was getting nervous, but because of our age and health (and allllllll of our friends who “got ‘er on the first try”), I was nervous by the second month. By the 6th month, I was calling my doctor and going for some tests. They all said, it’s probably just stress, this and that, and gave suggestions on what to do. I heard a lot of “this happens all the time and as soon as couples stop trying, they get pregnant”. OK….first of all…I could NEVER imagine giving up! Even when you say you’re not trying…it’s always in the back of your mind….So basically, I convinced myself it was just stress, being that so much had happened over the course of the last few years, and we continued trying.
I’m not going to get into what exactly was wrong, as it’s a personal matter and between my husband and I (I know you’re probably thinking this is a pretty personal post as it is!), but the reason I’m posting our story is because I wanted to share it with others who have gone through the same thing, or is going through it now. (If you are in fact going through this, you can certainly e-mail me, I’d LOVE to talk). We finally went to a fertility specialist about a year after we started trying, as suggested by the doctor, and discussed our options.
Our option was IVF. Or, in-vitro fertilization. This is the process in which the egg is fertilized outside of the woman, and then placed back into her once its progressed over a short amount of days. I literally couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but at the same time I was SO hopeful!!! The doctor shook my hand and said “nice to meet you, you WILL be getting pregnant here”. I immediately relaxed and felt a WHOLE lot better. Even AS she described all the “fun” stuff I’d be going through the next few months. I didn’t care, because the end result would be WELL WORTH IT. And it was… 🙂
Little Baby B 5 days old!
So, shortly after, we started our IVF journey and look where it brought us! We were SO UNBELIEVABLY lucky to have no problems what so ever, got SO many eggs (a total of 32 actually!) and was able to freeze 9 embryos! We also were very lucky and got pregnant on the first try, with just one embryo (usually 2 gets transferred, or even more depending on the situation). And honestly…..it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. I scared myself reading up about certain things, and going on message boards.
After reading THIS list, I told myself no more looking online…everyone, and every situation is different, and I was scaring myself for no reason! From when I went through the first set of injections, till the last procedure, I wrote a list of helpful information that anyone going through, or getting ready to go through IVF should know (which I’ll post tomorrow, as this post is awfully long as it is!). I WISH I had a list like mine to read when I was going through everything! I would have been so much more relaxed, though, like I said, I handled it pretty well as it was–thank God for my amazingly supportive family and friends! There were really only a few times that I actually freaked out.
One- when I got allllll my medication that I’d be taking (it really is a lot, but you don’t take it all at once), and when I saw the 1 1/2in syringes for INTRAMUSCULAR injections…..something I didn’t think I’d have to do. This is on my list that I’m posting tomorrow, but I laughed the first time I got that shot….I cried and cried and cried when I found out I’d need to do it, and the first time I got it I literally went “wait–it’s done?!” And laughed. I didn’t feel anything but a tiny little pinch (and sometimes nothing at all) despite the ….. 1 1/2in needle going into my bum!
Two-the first time I had to give myself the stomach injection. The needle was so so tiny and I wasn’t worried about it at allll, but let me tell you, that first time I had to do it, I hesitated a total of 15 minutes! There I am, in the bathroom , pinching my stomach, yelling at myself “you can do it! Just do it already! C’mon!” Finally when I did it, I cried (happy tears!)….I was soooo glad that it was over with and not as bad as I thought it was going to be!–though more of that on my list tomorrow!
Three- I had little freak outs every time I had to start something new (ex: new hormones, change of hormones, stopping the hormones to do something else). The hormones didn’t affect me what-so-ever physically or emotionally, it was just the fear of messing something up and wasting a lot of time (and money!).
Finally, four- The freaking out of waiting for the call if I was pregnant or not! I thought for sureeee it would come back negative…and prepared myself (and some family members) for days!
P.S. -now, I laugh at all my freak outs! Everything happens for a reason! I feel this will make me appreciate my baby even more than I would have if we “got it on the first try”!
So, after hearing our story, if you–for whatever reason–don’t agree with what we did (IVF), please leave your comments to yourself. After everything I went through, I see myself, and all the other woman who have gone through this, as extremely strong women. I just read a quote recently over on Sawdust and Embryo’s blog (a woman who also went through IVF to conceive her adorable baby twins), “You hear the saying ‘being a parent is the hardest job in the world’, but I can say from experience that N.O.T.H.I.N.G is harder than wishing you were a parent.” –I literally couldn’t agree more, and my heart goes out to those who are still trying. Never give up!
And finally, I’m leaving you with one more thought! When you have a friend who recently got married–refrain from asking her pregnancy questions…..because let me tell you, that was one of the hardest things I had to hear while dealing with everything. And p.s. this goes out to NO ONE in particular, because EVERYONE asked me. I totally get it’s a question you ask newlyweds, and I’m certainly guilty of it in the past, but now that I know better, I’ll never ask this again! Hint: if they want to talk about it, they will! 😉